You so encapsulated my life, and the process that I find myself in yet again experiencing the deep core wounds that have caused incredibly destructive behavior and self sabotage, despite knowing a different part of me that is confident, strong wise, and willing to serve others with the knowledge that I have gained from my experiences as a motivational speaker

True healing is not for the faint of heart. It requires over and over again grit, tenacity, courage, surrender, trust, folding into myself again and again and again, no matter what it takes. currently I’m experiencing loneliness that I have had my entire life but without the fillers and the distractions and the relationships and the romances and the addictive substances that kept me from truly feeling my childhood wounds. I am feeling raw abandoned, lonely, ostracized, misunderstood and all the old ways that used to give me comfort are gone. I embrace my victim, my martyr, my lost little girl who is so filled with light and love who has struggled to understand this world and to find her place in it to truly feel I belong here and have so much to offer

I am clear that the universe, the benevolent heart that lives at the heart of all of us is asking me to be strong and do this work so that I can actually heal and welcome the life that I’ve dreamed of including my beloved soulmate. My ego and defenses would have me blame myself for where I find myself yet again in my life at 60 yet I know that the soul of me does not judge my journey, and in fact celebrates every tear that I have cried, the screams in agony of my confusion and frustration about this path, acknowledging that I have felt the pain is too great and I would rather go home yet I keep standing up, dusting off my boots, trusting spirit and following the guidance that I receive such as your writing today
I sit at a lake near my house by myself with a shoulder injury without work and a pending eviction yet I do not judge myself I see the patterns clearly and know that I am doing the work. Staying present and not slipping down the rabbit hole of fear and grief. I welcome the support love and acknowledgment I need to heal. I offer that to anyone I meet and to all of you out there on Medium understands exactly what I’m talking about. Together we heal! 🙏💕🙏