Hi Emily! I so understand the loneliness of being someone who has a deeper understanding of things and simply wants to share this message with others. I was often pissed at spirit for forcing me to take this journey largely alone until I learned and took ownership that I in collaboration with our spirit helpers choose every single moment, trauma, challenge, relationship, success etc…What fun LOL. I was a victim of my circumstances for a long time along with some pretty devastating co-dependency learned from my mother. I questioned the Universe why I was going through so much, so many crushing defeats, so much grief, depression, addiction, abuse, poverty and loneliness. When I understood I had to walk in the shoes of those I would eventually serve it all made sense. As you know the growing never stops. Most of time I surrender and accept what still needs to grow within me, the patterns that still hang around in my unconscious and wreak havoc in my life, but now I do it with a lot more joy and humor and have named my ego-Snarky Ruffkin 😁

I realized too along the way that I was having an inner tantrum about doing this life alone and made a threat, promise that I would not go forward and do this without my soulmate. I have grown up alot since then and feel I have worked to fill my life with me and when and if he does arrive it will be an addition to my life not me trying to fill some hole in me or be completed by a another human. I really feel your loss. You are so brave to speak about it and share your emotions with all of us. I have read a few “soulmate” books and I am SO looking forward to reading yours! I know I am good writer and have much to share with the world through Medium. I am a professional development speaker aka spirit channel under the radar-I love it and writing will also be a big part of that. I have had a book in my heart for a long time. A book about my journey, not that I am so special or unique but rather from the perspective that we all experience life as you said from a place of choice and intention. I want to offer that hope to all the weary souls out there that are not quite awake. I am new to Medium and I think you can read a few poem posts I wrote at wendyswindow. Maybe you can check for me to see if you find them. While I am not a tech neophyte any help you can offer about navigating Medium would be super! So happy to connect with you, the journey feels less lonely knowing there are other enlightened beings out there like yourself!!!