Benevolent mother of creation, this child I am deep within, I call to you to cradle me in loves truth
This child heart that lives so deeply within my breast cries still after times past for the love and care that was not there
Into her eyes I looked as a child, pure, open and vulnerable and saw the madness of a heart silenced by loss and abuse, a mind scarred by tragedy
My mind in its rational protection of unfolding reality wrapped me in ego and justification, forgiving this earthly mother, begging to protect me from the pain, the terror of accepting this was real, this was my life, this was my fate
My mind guarding me that its darkness would not overtake and rape me of my hope
I began to believe the projected untruths of a mind wrapped in insanity
The judgments of a woman sick with malice, grief, and fear
I only remember crying often, alone in my room, waiting. I have been waiting all this time for you mother to come to comfort this child alone and confused, why have you forsaken me?
Time passed on and still I waited
And I wait as always, I wait
And my life passes on without me
Precious time slipping through fingers laced with limitations and self-recrimination
And I thought to carry your burdens would be my favor in the eyes of God, that to bear your pain would help you to love me even a little for I needed just a little to know my life was valued and sacred
And I waited and I still wait
Chances for you have come and gone and I have owned what my spirit calls me to see and in the eyes of creation I release what is not me, I forge this life path from the core of truth, I carve a foundation from this dark and scalding education that we have agreed to build
Here is this pre-sent moment of triumph and power
It is my destiny to move forward and lay the seeds of evolution for my children, for the coming mirrors of my soul
I will visit this space again and again not because I wait, but because I see, and I know that I am free